Fitzwilliam Darcy’s Private Journal Read online

  Fitzwilliam Darcy's

  Private Journal

  ~ Pride & Prejudice in Mr Darcy's own words ~

  by Edith Y. Hawe

  Copyright © 2013 by Edith Y. Hawe

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, without express written permission from the author, except in the case of quotations by a reviewer.

  This book is a work of fiction.

  Names, characters, and incidents portrayed in it are products of the author’s imaginations, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or otherwise, event or locations is entirely coincidental.

  To my dear husband, who is perpetually suffering as I am perpetually glued to my laptop,

  and to Jane Austen, who gave us that wonderful book, ‘Pride and Prejudice’.

  Table of Contents

  Wednesday, August the 21st, 1811

  1 London

  Saturday, August the 24th, 1811

  Tuesday, 27th August, 1811

  Friday, the 30th August, 1811

  Monday, the 2nd September, 1811

  Thursday, the 5th September, 1811

  Tuesday, the 10th September, 1811

  Friday, the 13th September, 1811

  Tuesday, the 17th September, 1811

  Wednesday, the 25th September, 1811

  Friday, the 27th September, 1811

  Sunday, the 29th September, 1811

  Friday, the 4th October, 1811

  Thursday, the 10th October, 1811

  Monday, the 14th October, 1811

  Tuesday, the 15th October, 1811

  2 Hertfordshire

  Friday, the 18th October, 1811

  Saturday, the 19th October, 1811

  Monday, the 21st October, 1811

  Thursday, the 24th October, 1811

  Monday, the 28th October, 1811

  Saturday, the 2nd November, 1811

  Tuesday, the 12th November, 1811

  Wednesday, the 13th November, 1811

  Thursday, the 14th November, 1811

  Friday, the 15th November, 1811

  Saturday, the 16th November, 1811

  Sunday, the 17th November, 1811

  Tuesday, the 19th November, 1811

  Thursday, 21st November, 1811

  Tuesday, the 26th November, 1811

  Wednesday, the 27th November, 1811

  3 London

  Thursday, the 28th November, 1811

  Friday, the 29th November, 1811

  Monday, the 2nd December, 1811

  Wednesday, the 4th December, 1811

  Sunday, the 8th December, 1811

  Monday, the 9th December, 1811

  Tuesday, the 10th December, 1811

  Thursday, the 12th December, 1811

  Saturday, the 14th December, 1811

  Monday, the 16th December, 1811

  Tuesday, the 17th December, 1811

  Sunday, the 22nd December, 1811

  Tuesday, the 24th December, 1811

  Wednesday, the 25th December, 1811

  Thursday, the 26th December, 1811

  Sunday, the 29th December, 1811

  Tuesday, the 31st December, 1811

  Sunday, the 5th January, 1812

  Monday, the 6th January, 1812

  4 Northamptonshire

  Friday, the 10th January, 1812

  Friday, the 17th January, 1812

  Monday, the 20th January, 1812

  Thursday, the 23rd January, 1812 - or rather Friday, the 24th

  Saturday, the 25th January, 1812

  Tuesday, the 28th January, 1812

  Saturday, the 1st February, 1812

  5 Derbyshire

  Friday, the 7th February, 1812

  Monday, the 10th February, 1812

  Friday, the 21st February, 1812

  Tuesday, the 25th February, 1812

  Monday, the 2nd March, 1812

  Thursday, the 5th March, 1812

  6 London

  Saturday, the 7th March, 1812

  Monday, the 9th March, 1812

  Friday, the 13th March, 1812

  Wednesday, the 18th March, 1812

  Sunday, the 22nd March, 1812

  7 Kent

  Monday, the 23rd March, 1812

  Tuesday, the 24th March, 1812

  Friday, the 27th March, 1812

  Sunday, the 29th March, 1812

  Monday, the 30th March, 1812

  Friday, the 3rd April, 1812

  Saturday, the 4th April, 1812

  Monday, the 6th April, 1812

  Wednesday, the 8th April, 1812

  Thursday, the 9th April, 1812

  Friday, the 10th April, 1812

  8 London

  Saturday, the 11th April, 1812

  Saturday, the 18th April, 1812

  Friday, the 24th April, 1812

  Friday, the 1st May, 1812

  Monday, the 4th May, 1812

  Tuesday, the 5th May, 1812

  Thursday, the 7th May, 1812

  Friday, the 8th May, 1812

  Wednesday, the 20th May, 1812

  Friday, the 22nd May, 1812

  Thursday, the 28th May, 1812

  Sunday, 31st May, 1812

  Wednesday, the 3rd June, 1812

  Wednesday, the 10th June, 1812

  Saturday, the 13th June, 1812

  Sunday, the 14th June, 1812

  9 Bath

  Wednesday, the 17th June, 1812

  Thursday, the 18th June, 1812

  Friday, the 26th June, 1812

  Tuesday, the 7th July, 1812

  Tuesday, the 14th July, 1812

  Monday, the 20th July, 1812

  Wednesday, the 29th July, 1812

  10 Derbyshire

  Monday, the 3rd August, 1812

  Tuesday, the 4th August, 1812

  Wednesday, the 5th August, 1812

  Thursday the 6th August, 1812

  Friday, 7th August, 1812

  11 London

  Saturday, the 8th August, 1812

  Sunday, the 9th August, 1812

  Monday, the 10th August, 1812

  Tuesday, the 11th August, 1812

  Wednesday, the 12th August, 1812

  Thursday, the 13th August, 1812

  Friday, the 14th August, 1812

  Saturday, the 15th August, 1812

  Sunday, the 16th August, 1812

  Monday, the 17th August, 1812

  12 Derbyshire

  Wednesday, the 19th August, 1812

  Thursday, the 20th August, 1812

  Wednesday, the 26th August, 1812

  Friday, the 28th August, 1812

  13 London

  Sunday, the 30th August, 1812

  Monday, the 31st August, 1812

  Tuesday, the 1st September, 1812

  14 Derbyshire

  Friday, the 4th September, 1812

  Saturday, the 5th September, 1812

  Wednesday, the 9th September, 1812

  Thursday, the 10th September, 1812

  Monday, the 14th September, 1812

  15 Hertfordshire

  Wednesday, the 16th September, 1812

&n
bsp; Thursday, the 17th September, 1812

  Friday, the 18th September, 1812

  Saturday, the 19th September, 1812

  Monday, the 21st September, 1812

  Tuesday, the 22nd September, 1812

  Wednesday, the 23rd September, 1812

  16 London

  Saturday, the 26th September, 1812

  Wednesday, the 30th September, 1812

  Friday, the 2nd October, 1812

  17 Hertfordshire

  Monday, the 5th October, 1812

  Tuesday, the 6th October, 1812

  Wednesday, the 7th October, 1812

  Thursday, the 8th October, 1812

  Friday, the 9th October, 1812

  Tuesday, the 13th October, 1812

  Thursday, the 15th October, 1812

  Friday, the 16th October, 1812

  Saturday, the 17th October, 1812

  Sunday, the 18th October, 1812

  18 London

  Tuesday, the 20th October, 1812

  Thursday, 22nd October, 1812

  Wednesday, August the 21st, 1811

  This day, I begin a new diary. May this come to be filled with more chearful entries than the previous one. When I look back on those pages… ah, but I must not dwell upon the past.

  I have had this diary and some dozen more bound specially for a purpose to fit in this writing box, so that, when I, like my father before me, travel with it, I could carry my diary wherever and whenever I chuse without being in fear of its being discovered and scrutinised by an inquisitive eye. I have had them covered in gold embossed leather in much the same way as this writing surface was fashioned.

  This beautiful writing box was a gift from my beloved mother to my honoured father. She had it specially crafted expressly to suit my father’s needs. It shews how my mother desired the best for my father.

  Their marriage was indeed an example to everybody. He, an honourable and righteous, loving husband and father, she, a wise and kind, doating wife and mother, who both brought happiness into the lives of all those around them.

  But, alas! She was taken from us so prematurely. It was at the time of my sister’s arrival into this world, and would have left my father an utterly broken man, had it not been for his fortitude and integrity. He grieved secretly braving a chearful face to the world for the sake of us children. But he had loved her so and grieved for her for years and years. In truth, he continued to grieve without surcease until the very day he was himself gathered to his forefathers.

  Oh, how I pray to God that I, too, might someday be blessed with a wife whom I could love, cherish and honour just as my father before me loved, cherished and honoured my mother!

  This writing box had always been precious to my father, but after my mother departed this life, it became a treasure which he could never be parted from, and wherever he went, it was his ever-present travelling companion. And so it shall remain with me, too.

  Oh, how as a child I envied my father this treasure! How he, when I importuned him for it one day, told me with an indulgent but wistful smile upon his face that it would be mine when he was gone! And how I regretted my thoughtless transgression! But never did I imagine that the time would come so soon.

  It was not yet even two years since I had attained my majority when my revered father was suddenly taken gravely ill and with hardly a night’s warning, we found to our horror that he was no more.

  I was devastated. I felt numb, but was allowed barely time to mourn his death before being plunged into the task of master of this vast estate. I felt all but crushed under the burden of having to succeed, at so young an age, to a position of such authority and onus, of which my father had been so adept an executor. But then, I was yet to realise that even that was nothing in comparison with the heavy burthen of responsibility that I was to assume for the welfare of another human being - my beloved sister.

  She was but ten years old when our father died. She is now fifteen years old, and fast growing up. I cannot help revisiting that past event in my mind over and over again. That godless villain, that base reprobate! Oh, Sister, he could have been your downfall! Thank God, it was not too late! Thank Heaven, I was there before the irremediable happened!

  How I wished I could call him out! If only the times had been different… If only there had been no fear of its becoming public knowledge and jeopardising my sister’s reputation past repair… Oh, how I wish I could have called him to account! But that is God’s will. I shall follow His lead.

  Of course, I could not be severe on her. How could I? None of this was her fault. Her only fault, if any could have been laid at her door, would have been her innocence, her too trusting nature. I could do nothing but gather her to my arms and let her snuggle in the comfort of my chest and cry to her heart’s content. She still remains in low spirits, but I trust that, youth on her side, she will rally and regain her former self soon.

  My sister has never known a mother’s love, nor has she ever had a mother’s guidance, which I regret most and for which I pity her more than anything.

  Oh, dear Mother, honoured Father, how I wish you were still with us! My burden is indeed so heavy. I must put my pen down for now. My heart is too full to continue writing.

  1 London

  Saturday, August the 24th, 1811

  I returned to the capital from Derbyshire this day, having given directions to my steward and my gamekeeper regarding the business about the poaching problem on the estate of Pemberley.

  When I reached Mayfair and passed along down the main thoroughfares, I noted the relative quietness of the area, due presumably to the fact that the greater part of the ton had gone into the country for the grouse shooting season. The hustle and bustle of the London Season had long since subsided and seemed to have been replaced by more subdued hums no louder than the sound of a few coaches.

  I was greeted, as was the custom, by Wiseman, my ever-faithful butler, when my coach and four at last turned into Portman Square and drove up to my front door.

  My enquiry as to whether or not Georgiana had returned was met with a negative reply. I wondered what was delaying her return, and felt a moment’s disquiet, which was, however, dispersed almost as it arose when I recollected that she was under the excellent care of my estimable aunt.

  Before I left the capital, I had asked my aunt to search for a suitable companion for my sister; some respectable, trustworthy, kind lady who would be solicitous for her well-being, who could help her overcome her timidity, and whose care and solicitude would be salve to her bruised spirit.

  The welfare of my sister is ever in my mind. I owe that much to her. I should never have allowed such a situation to arise in which a man, such as he, could avail himself of an opportunity to solicit my sister. I was gravely at fault. I should have taken more care.

  While I was thus ruminating utterly oblivious of his being in attendance, Wiseman hovered near the door of my library. I was awakened from this reverie when he coughed discreetly reminding me of his presence. In answer to my motioning him to come in, he stepped forth in his customary unobtrusive and yet discerning manner and put me in possession of the fact that Lady Ashbourne was to call this evening. I asked him if my aunt had graced this place with a visit to deliver the message personally.

  “No, sir,” said he. “We did not have that pleasure but her ladyship sent word announcing her intention to call sometime later this evening.”

  He then walked to the drink stand and poured some drink from the decanter for me as he always does. When he handed me the glass, I nodded signifying that that was all the service that I needed from him for the time being. He was withdrawing, but then, I called him back, remembering to ask if Lady Ashbourne had intimated any specific time.

  He answered in the negative, before adding, “But if I may be so bold as to say so, sir, her ladyship never ventures abroad before the cool of the evening on a hot summer’s day, and that w
ould be not earlier than seven or eight of the clock upon as sultry a day as this.”

  As he withdrew, I bade him send Parkinson to me in my bedchamber, whither, having emptied my glass, I ascended and found my valet already awaiting me. After the long journey, I felt not quite tidy enough for visiting White’s and had him help me refresh myself. He shaved, washed and accoutred me suitably for the gentlemen’s club. I ordered my carriage to be brought to the front, and issued forth to White’s.

  When I arrived, I bade my coachman come and fetch me at six o’clock again, dismissed the carriage, and entered the club. I was hailed by Sir John Holbrook the instant I crossed the threshold.

  “Good God, Darcy, what? You are back! Ho, ho!” he chuckled, bestowing upon me one of his usual vigorous handshakes and hearty thumps upon the back, which shook me almost to dizziness.

  He was as usual in high fettle. His ever-open, good humour made me smile.

  “It is a jolly good thing, too!” he continued. “London is still emptying and will not fill up again till shortly before the Little Season commences, what? We have just been saying that we needed a few more bucks to make up enough card tables to allow us to feel not entirely abandoned, but truth be told, I have done with cards for today. However, you have to give me your word, Darcy, that you will, some other day very soon, make up a table with me at whist or loo, or whatever game of your chusing. Now though, you will join me just for a while for a drink before I leave, will you not, what? So, come along!”

  “With great pleasure,” said I, and followed the baronet, who sauntered into the saloon, where a few more friends greeted me with raised hands.

  I seated myself in one of the commodious armchairs placed near the tall marble fireplace, while the baronet sank into the enormous sofa and settled himself in his usual virtually recumbent posture. I surveyed the room. There, too, as I had done along the thoroughfares upon arriving in Mayfair, I noted a relative emptiness, although the room was not so sparsely populated as to give the impression of being deserted. Around the table directly in front of the Bow Window - the seat of the unchallenged privilege - sat Beau Brummel and Lord Alvanley with a few others of the usual select set. What outrageous bets were being placed today, I wondered.